sometimes, avoidance is all I've got

Although, in this case, I think distraction would be the best medicine.

Without a full recap, I'm sure you all know that money, work, school, money, housing, homesickness, and money are my most pressing stresses these days. I've been going through waves of thinking that I'm at the end of my rope and I'm going to fucking snap; and counting my blessings and feeling optimistic and wondering how that's possible.

Today I'm experiencing an awful phenomenon that I go through from time to time, which basically boils down to:
I have a day free to do anything I want, but since I've become so accustomed to moving 100 miles an hour, and I have so many irons in so many fires, I am too overwhelmed to enjoy it.

Jughead was fulfilling a family obligation yesterday from 10am to 7pm. Today, he worked from 8 to 3, and has band practice from 3 to 10. I know it's really pointless to feel mopey, but the fact that I only got to spend a couple hours with him last night, and I won't see him again until next Saturday, is making me exactly that.

I feel homesick. I miss my mom. I miss my sisters and my brother. This is an absolutely unique type of heartache that I don't wish on anyone. It's the worst.

I need to finish a homework assignment, search for scholarships, finish cleaning my room, wash laundry, vacuum out my car, buy groceries, sort through my belongings and find more stuff to get rid of.

I want to read, ride my bike, make some jewelry or needlepoint or something, have a meal with friends, play a game, go swimming, do trivia, be outside and RELAX.

I just feel too worked up to do anything at all. It's awful. My hope is, now that I've written this all down and gotten it out of the way, I can pick just one of those chores or activities, and do it, and enjoy doing it. Or at least, find something to occupy my afternoon until I make myself go to bed very early.

A perfectly good Sunday, wasted, feeling keyed up and heartsick and strung out.