an advanced course in plate-spinning

with an independent study project entitled: "many eggs in many baskets".

LANDSLIDE!!! Where-oh-where to begin?

I'm not sure who I've explained this to, but I was accepted to a special program for this fall called "Metro Urban Studies (MUST)", through the Higher Education Consortium for Urban Affairs (HECUA). The program consists of a 4-credit reading seminar, a 4-credit field seminar and an 8-credit internship. At 3:00 today I had a meeting with the internship coordinator to discuss my options and choose some possible sites. Unfortunately, there weren't any options that were specifically focused on the senior citizen/elderly population. MUST deals with issues relating to social justice, poverty and inequality-- this includes visiting and interning with organizations that handle housing, immigration, grassroots organizing, legislation, youth issues, ESL, literacy... you get the idea. I did select a site, so now I have to call an make an appointment to interview, to discuss how I can apply my skills to the group, and what they can offer me. Exciting! Intimidating! Daunting! Challenging!

My head was spinning with all of that information. As I was leaving the meeting in St. Paul, I got a phone call from a job that I interviewed for last week. Not only was I extended a formal offer to become staff at Senior Helpers, but they are doing an intake meeting with a new client tomorrow, and they think we would be perfect for each other! Cool! I'll get to take care of older people again! I scheduled a meeting for tomorrow afternoon to go through orientation paperwork and read case management reports.

I had a major buzz going then. I called my current supervisor and told her that I need to be able to leave my meeting tomorrow no later than 2:30. She said that's fine and she may have found someone to take over my day shifts with my current client (hallelujah!!). Also, she wants me to read some new intake reports and schedule a HHA (home health aid) class so that I can start working at one of the company's group homes, (which is an option that we've discussed in the past). Okay. I felt pretty underhanded and sneaky, but, I'll make it work.

I realized that I haven't eaten in a long time, and I was nearing my crash point. I turned into the parking lot of the shopping complex closest to my house, thinking I'd run in to the grocery store. Instead, I found myself inside Target, perusing the clearance racks for business-casual clothes. While in the hosiery section, I got a phone call from the restaurant where I had an interview on Monday. They asked if I'd be interested in coming for a second interview tomorrow afternoon! I agreed, not only because this is a place where I really want to work, but because up until that point, I was completely convinced that I had bombed the first interview. (I was really nervous, and they were meeting about 15 people after me).

Woah, okay. I'm fairly certain I have to figure out how to quit my current job gracefully. This is easier said than done because, as I mentioned before, I am being groomed to work in other positions and with other clients. Also, I know that they are desperately under-staffed, and I will be making the hole even bigger. They are really trying to be accommodating. I feel like I owe it to them to stick it out. However, I have not found a good fit in the eight months that I've been working for them. Disabilities Services is not my passion. If I can make myself see it that way, then I've actually been "sticking it out" for eight months. It's come down to shitty timing.

What if I get this restaurant job? It's exactly what I want right now: a hosting position, downtown, upscale- but not uncomfortably so, evenings and weekends with fun people.

I've already officially accepted the senior care position, thinking that there weren't any clients to work with. This development is only hours old-- and it's another example of management staff really wanting to give me what I need. I would be 100% thrilled about this position, if I weren't feeling pretty burnt out on direct support care at the moment. I also have to think about how much mental energy I will have available during the intense program I'll be part of next month.

Good god-- if you've actually read this all the way through, you deserve a medal. I need to eat. And sleep. I can't tell if this situation involves some extra-hard thinking, or if I should rely more on intuition. I feel like I've been job-hunting so hard... it's blowing up in my face now.

(PS: When I was at Target on Saturday, I almost bought a beautiful leather purse that was on sale for $14.99, marked down from $29.99. Well today I got it for $7.48! The cashier gushed over what a great deal I got. This, of course, means that I will have to choose three other purses to give away... but it's worth it.)