family matters, even in Marytown, Wisconsin

My uncle, Nick Heus, died sometime this weekend. His body was found by the Fon du Lac County sheriff last night. He never responded to some letters sent by his medical center regarding cancer that they found in his eye, so they went to his house to investigate. I think he was 60 years-old; I'm not sure.

What's kind of messed up is that I'm still not sure if he killed himself or not. My sister Aja is the one who called me to tell me (upon my dad's request), and I've talked to my cousin and my aunt for about 15 minutes each. Nobody really has any good answers.

I haven't seen my uncle since about 2004. I was on my way to visit my grandma and when I drove past the old farm and saw that he was out in the front yard. I stopped and said "hello" and we talked for about 3 minutes. Nick never moved out of my grandparent's house. The guys he drank with probably know him better than any of his family. We aren't really even sure how much there is TO know.

I have some really great memories of him from my childhood. He liked to play simple practical jokes on me and my sisters and brother. He built the most amazing wooden doll cradles and stools and toy chests for us, with our names carved in them. He built a beautiful see-saw up at our cottage in Phelps, Wisconsin. He found a lot of ways to show us that he loved us, even though he never knew how to talk to us.

My dad, in his typical style, is taking control of the situation in the most abrasive way possible. He loves to make announcements and generally create drama to prove that the universe is revolving around him and his feelings.

My grandma's 93rd birthday is on Thursday. Nick was her first child. She thinks that it would be a good thing to have his body cremated and have a memorial service next month, but my dad is demanding that we have "closure" NOW. This means that my aunt and her husband need to fly in from Washington DC. My cousin Alex will come from Alexandria, Virginia. My cousin Stephen is in Eugene, Oregon and we've talked about the possibility of him flying into Minneapolis and driving the last 5 1/2 hours with me.

We want to have time to spend together. We want to have time to clean out the farm. There's 100 years of family history in that place. It's the house where my grandpa died after the house was hit by the tornado in 1996.

This could be simple and relatively pleasant, but because my dad has put himself in charge and won't take anyone elses' thoughts into consideration, it's extremely frustrating and expensive. I'm very overwhelmed today.