balancing act, continued

from doe-c-doe

My final week of relative freedom is winding down. I am taking five classes next semester, which sounds really scary. I hope I did a good job of choosing with balance, it's always kind of a crap-shoot. On Monday and Wednesday I have two classes that are on the East Bank in Minneapolis, on Tuesday and Thursday my classes are in St. Paul, and on Friday I'm on the West Bank. That seems pretty good. I also made sure that I have a little bit of time between (for travel, eating a snack, etc.) but not so much that I end up wandering. I've had a lot of experience with having too much time to kill, but not enough time to go home and get anything done. What really wears me down when I'm in school is the fact that I'm usually out of the house for 14 or 15 hours at a time. I know I'm not the only one who experiences that, but I find myself hauling around changes of clothing, extra books, enough food to (hopefully) last through the day so I don't have to buy anything... I have to plan very well, and there's no margin for error (like forgetting an assignment at home). It gets really tiring.

And then there's the balance of actual course content. I'm taking Personal and Family Finance, Parent-Child Relationships, The Essay, Biology of Aging, and Conditioning 1 (so I can work out twice a week and get credit for it). I have very little knowledge about how I'm going to manage my workload. I may have five papers due in one week, and 78 pages of reading due the next. I may have "outside of class" requirements like volunteering or field experiences, and maybe multiple group and partner projects. These all threaten to upset my delicate schedule. After all, I still have to work to make money, and I still need to spend time with my friends and loved ones so I don't completely lose my mind.

Aaaaaand now I'm just describing the life of any college student. The worst part (I think), or the part I want to make clear in all of this, is that I still don't feel like I'm doing it right. People give me compliments about my leadership skills, my confidence, my responsibility... lots of traits that I'm able to portray because of my experience as an oldest child. But inside, always, I'm thinking, "But you don't understand! I have no idea what I'm doing! I'm faking it! I'm making this up! I desperately need someone to tell me what to do and where to go, but no one ever does because I seem so competent..."

This semester I am living in a beautiful apartment with a lovely new bathtub. And I hope that my twice-weekly hot baths make all the difference.